Last night’s new episodes of 30 Rock, and the one of My Name Is Earl, were the exception that proves the rule. There is nothing to see on TV. With the writers strike going nowhere, we are stuck with a bunch of crappy reality shows, and with Jay Leno who writes his own stuff…
One might think, that with the lack of good TV, we would embrace different activities such as poetry or at least go to the gym, but the fact is that we just keep on starring at the screen and as usual being stuffed with shit. Only this time, the shit stinks more. Please come back writers, we need you.
I’m a lover scorned. A meerkat whose mother has been viciously killed by a snake leaving me to make my way thru the wild without any well-trained defenses or line of attack. I’m Rambo without any ammo and Schwarzenegger without the Kennedy connections and steroids that made him.
I’m also fed up with the writers’ strike and feeling pangs of loss that can best be expressed thru the myriad of metaphors above.
And how it could potentially affect my January, no wait my FEBRUARY? That’s right, Lost fans will have to wait till February now to see just where things left off post-Looking Glass. Given that the show’s executive producer is claiming that only 8 shows have been written out of the regular 16, and that the final 8 will tie up all the loose ends presented in the first 8 (and that I happen to LIVE for resolutions), you can understand why the writers’ strike is getting me down.
I can do without Leno and his glib comments to Halle Berry, grimace at Tina Fey as she takes to the picketing stands (she is an executive producer after all) and bands with her fellow starving artists (?), but seeing writer/creator/executive producer Damon Lindelof lament the plight of writers (and himself) not getting their/his share of the moola generated by all the new media around makes me wanna lose the one I’m with and start a new relationship.
We understand fame and new-found fortune is enough to even make a decent man turn to debauchery. But really, how long do the producers at Lost think that they can play with their fanbase before their numbers of viewers start to diminish?
What would have happened to me, a non celebrity, if I was to use a racial reference lets say… lets not say… just to any minority? Most likely, if I said it at work, I would get fired. If I said it on TV, someone will sue my ass. Jay Leno reaction to Halle Berry’s Anti-Semitic comment on The Tonight Show was: “I’m glad you said it.”
Why Leno? Why are you so glad? Would you be just as glad if someone made a similar joke about African- Americans? Jay Leno must apologize or he is just as racist as stupid Berry.
P.S. Halle f@#$ing Berry, your tears may be good for all the awards you got for taking off your clothes in movies, but please, please do not use this bullshit on us, it doesn’t work.
Amaldo.com vlogger Ilana Donna steps it up a notch this week with her pop culture round-up, once again giving us All the news that’s fit to capture on video including talk of Spice Girls reunion, Nicole Ritchie’s fertility, and Lindsay Lohan’s latest DUI. And for naysayers proclaiming you read all this in last week’s “US Weekly,” when’s the last time you saw Spice Girls hit single “Wannabe” sung freestyle?
Wait. Did I or did I not use “freestyle” correctly here? Eh. Who cares. Just watch the video, k.
Ladies and gents, our new Price is Right host is none other than unfunny man Drew Carey. Hording all the media attention in the past few weeks, Rosie O’Donnell was also considered for this role, but ultimately Carey beat out other male front-runners, such as ET’s Mark Steines and another 2-D catatonic Ken doll TV host whose name I can’t remember.
How to promote an unpopular sport, step by step, by the Los Angeles Galaxy. You got to hand it to the Los Angeles Galaxy. They sure know how to rock the world, literally. So how do you do it?
Step 1: Location! Location! Location! Hollywood is the only place to bring the Beckhams to, money, spotlight, cellebrities. We’ll get to that later.
Step 2: Find your man. Find the most famous soccer player in the world, who is also good at what he does, meaning a real fighter on the pitch with natural talent and proven experience.
Step 3: Open your pockets.When Real Madrid bought David Beckham from Manchester United they paid $33 million Euro for him. It took them only six months to cover this expense. So when the Galaxy pay him $250 millions for five years, they know what they are doing.
Step Four: Cherchez La Femme. One of the most important steps of all. You can love or hate Victoria Beckham, but she is an icon. You must not ignore her and her every caprice. Actually, she is the one you have to talk to even before you talk to David Beckham himself. I mean, it’s quit obvious who call the shots right? So how do you do it? First you hook her up with the hottest and most paparazzi-stalked couple around, and if Brangelina are not around Tom and Katie Cruise will do just fine. Then you put her in the spotlight. But remember it has to be in the middle of the spotlight. You make an NBC Victoria Beckham- Coming to America special, you put her in the Morning show, The Tonight Show, The Whatever show, and she is happy. And if Victoria is happy, everybody is happy.
The Fifth and last step is the introduction: I have seen many soccer players being introduced to the public by their new clubs. But I have to admit, I have never seen something like what I saw at the Home Depot Center, home of the Los Angeles Galaxy. It was as if David Beckham was getting a lifetime achievement award for something he hasn’t really done yet. Amazing.
And even before King David even touched a soccer ball in America, marketing wise, he already does to soccer what his idol Michael Jordan (That’s why he is wearing the number 23, not because of the Jim Carrey movie…) did to Basketball. Now everyone in America knows what the rest of the world knows for years, Who is David Beckham.
The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.
I know. I know. The premise of the new “Transformers” movie which opens today sounds ridiculous, but you also have to keep in mind that the movie is based on one of the best 80s cartoons to ever inhabit a Saturday morning time slot. Sure “The Gobots” were arguably the gentler, if not the more chick-friendly of the bots, but simply put, this movie looks like a good time. And after viewing last week’s psycho-nonsense of a poorly executed Stephen King thriller, redemption is mine.
I never would have considered going to see this movie if it weren’t for the 20 second clip I saw on Leno last week when “Transformers” star Josh Duhamel (whom I’ve been crushing on since he was Leo on “AMC”) was interviewed. Duhamel’s goyish, all-American quarterback boyish kick-back appeal adds a nice touch to the film, but when I first got wind of this Michael Bay production, I worried that it would just be all gore and B-rated horror house hijinks a la “Amityville Horror” or “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (then again Jordana Brewster running around moaning and/or moaning in a see-thru tank top for 84 minutes isn’t without its merits)
But from the clip I saw on “Leno,” which apparently doubled as really good PR for Paramount, this movie doesn’t take itself so seriously and is self-deprecating enough to warrant a July 3 release.I say go see it. What else have you got to do tonight or tomorrow?
John Stamos was in Australia last week and appeared on a talk show there where he proceeded to royally embarrass himself and slowly kill his career in less than three acts.
Aside from his drunken inflammatory behavior (Do all these has-been actors go to the same PR agency for fast-track advice on how to jump-start your dead career?), John actually humped a headpiece from Priscilla Queen of the Desert and fondled the talk-show host a few times after insulting her outfit. In true style, he ended the interview practically atop the host. After two interviews of a equally questionably inebriated nature, John was escorted back (of his own volition?) to the U.S. where his publicity worked overtime to convince everyone the incident was “jet lag.”
Imagine. A place that was founded as a holding cell for refuse doesn’t even want to be associated with the former “Full House” actor. That makes Stamos like the equivalent of the stuff that gets tossed out, thrown into the garbage can, but doesn’t quite make it in the can and just sits on the ground till trash day waiting for its demise by the consumption of rats. Then again. Isn’t this metaphor just a cheeky way of saying Hollywood.
Last night I saw Maz Jobrany on Jay Leno. I’ve actually heard some of his material before, on the XM comedy station. An Iranian comedian brings a refreshing and interesting perspective. He jokes about the Americans, but does not spare the other side- the enemy side. He will throw a punch at George Bush while kicking Ahmadinejahd’s ass. When I saw Jobrany last night, I realized I’ve seen him before, in TV shows like The Knights Of Prosperity, and in movies like The Interpreter. There are two things that concern me about the dude:
A. Can he develop with his comedy beyond the I’m-a-middle-eastern stand up?
B. What happens if he annoys Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the Iranian president? Will he have to live in fear like Salman Rushdie, who had to go underground for many years when Iranian leaders called for his assassination after writing the book The Satanic Verses?
Any way, Maz Jobrany has a good act going, and it’s very entertaining if not hilarious.
Picking up on the weakest kid always make a great bully comedy. It is quick and easy to find the disadvantage and your bully friends will admire your witty punch line . All though I don’t find George Bush jokes funny anymore, I understand why they are there, same thing goes for the Clintons. I can’t remember when was the last time Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien’s monologue did not include George Bush or the Clintons, and that’s OK. Not funny but OK. What I really can’t stand is all the shit Paris Hilton gets. I have nothing good to say about this stupid woman, I think you eat what you cooked, but come on, give her a break. Going to prison is a low point in life. When someone is being sent to jail, even for a short time, it is devastating. It’s natural that someone as provocative and out spoken as Hilton will get some from the media, in a way she deserve this, but it’s time to let go. And besides, you know the old saying about what goes around and how it will come around.
When I set down to write this week’s movie reviews, I found out that it is impossible not to join the party. After watching Jay Leno doing everything he can but actually kissing George Clooney’s ass in The Tonight Show, I realized that this week belongs to Ocean’s Thirteen.
Ocean’s Thirteen- The plot: Danny Ocean and his crew plan another casino heist. More important, the cast: Brad Pitt, Al Pachino, Andy Garcia, Don Chidle, Matt Damon, Elliot Gould, Bernie Mac and many more…
Hostel: Part 2- Three American college students travel to east Europe and find themselves in a Slovakian Hostel, where their worst nightmares come through. Eli Roth wrote and directed the movie, Quentin Tarantino is one of the producers.
La Via en Rose- The story of Edith Piaf, one of France’s biggest singers of all time. The movie follows Piaf’s life from her childhood as a poor girl in Paris, and throughout her singing career and her encounter with the famous people of that era like Yves Montand, Marlene Dietrich and others.
Toilets have been on my mind a lot lately. Last week, I temped a job at Harvard University and noticed that the toilet had two levers for the flush, one for the big jobs and the other for smaller, more discreet ones. Unfortunately, I flushed multiple times defeating its purpose because I had no idea what the symbols actually meant. I had seen this type of contraption in Israel (where water is scarce), but never before in the U.S. so I made note of it.
Then the other night, I heard Jay Leno poke fun at the use of compost toilets, the energy-saving, environmentally green alternative to toilet paper. And suddenly these toilets are turning up everywhere. There’s even an entire site dedicated to it. Yesterday, as I waited 2.5 hours at the DMV to renew my driver’s license, I then read an article about celebrities practicing green living solutions (Earth Day is next month already after all). About the time I read about Pierce Brosnan and his wife owning one of these composters, I thought back to Leno’s apropos joke about a hose and a hair dryer being equally as effective as one of these $1600 machines. Moreover, can’t celebrities afford to hire people to wipe their own asses?
But the point is not the cost or the energy-conscious turn we’ve all taken since learning that world is going to melt into oblivion and Al Gore and his posse won’t be around to save us. It’s like those Chanel sunglasses or Fendi bags that women die to get originals of and eventually succumb to fake imposters. Simply put, disposing of our feces in environmentally conscious terms is now du jour. And that catch phrase that previously served as a social equalizer of sorts: Everyone’s shit smells the same. Well, it just doesn’t apply anymore because we’ve been irrigated before any stench could set in.
No one likes to talk about this kinda stuff. Frankly put (no pun intended) it stinks. But so does the self-righteous, moral high horse nonsense that goes along with those that use it. If I choose to write with the lights off in my apartment and let the natural light filter in (which happens more often that I like to admit), it’s not because I’m making a conscious decision to preserve energy. It’s cause I’m too lazy to put on a light. When I called my landlord to complain about heat being too high in the Winter it wasn’t because I was practicing an energy-saving practice, it was because I was burning up in there. Similarly, if I choose to buy crappy toilet paper, it’s cause it’s on sale and I can afford it.
Compost toilets feel elitist to me. Of course the high expenditure of the product lends itself to a certain yuppie demographic that plasters itself at will on the Sunday New York Times Home & Garden section in the hopes that all this plugging their proactive energy conscious lifestyles will later pan out when little Isabella (now 2) is on the waiting list at New York’s prestigious Dalton School.
As Mel Brooks would say, “It’s all bupkis.” And I know in the end, it is. It’s the whole stinking ride that gets to me sometimes though.
Dave Letterman unexpectedly took ill and needed a last-minute replacement on Tuesday’s “Late Show” so CBS called upon scheduled guest Adam Sandler, there to plug his new movie “Reign Over Me.” Sandler was pretty funny (though he would disagree) and hands-down was much more capable late night host than either Jimmy Kimmel or Carson Daly. Anyways, Sandler interviewed his dog, Matzo Ball (see clip here) as well as “Reign Over Me” co-star Don Cheadle and race car driver Danica Patrick. Clearly, the night’s star was Matzoball, but we think Adam Sandler did a pretty top notch job as well.
Last night I’ve been watching Jay Leno’s monologue on “The tonight show“.It was a good monologue, not great, but good. We will try to bring someof it to Amaldo’s home soon.
One thing that bothers me though, is the constant obsession of Leno and
his writers with the Clintons. I don’t think you will find one show without a
reference to Bill or Hillary or both.
Let them be already Leno. He is no longer the president, She is not the president (Yet?), so give them some space. While I know it’s better then jokes about Paris- Britney- Anna Nicole,
Last night’s new episodes of 30 Rock, and the one of My Name Is Earl, were the exception that proves the rule. There is nothing to see on TV. With the writers strike going nowhere, we are stuck with a bunch of crappy reality shows, and with Jay Leno who writes his own stuff…
What would have happened to me, a non celebrity, if I was to use a racial reference lets say… lets not say… just to any minority? Most likely, if I said it at work, I would get fired. If I said it on TV, someone will sue my ass. Jay Leno reaction to Halle Berry’s Anti-Semitic comment on The Tonight Show was: “I’m glad you said it.”
Ladies and gents, our new Price is Right host is none other than unfunny man Drew Carey. Hording all the media attention in the past few weeks, 
How to promote an unpopular sport, step by step, by the Los Angeles Galaxy. You got to hand it to the Los Angeles Galaxy. They sure know how to rock the world, literally. So how do you do it?
The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.
John Stamos was in Australia last week and appeared on a talk show there where he proceeded to royally embarrass himself and slowly kill his career in less than three acts.
Last night I saw 
Toilets have been on my mind a lot lately. Last week, I temped a job at Harvard University and noticed that the toilet had two levers for the flush, one for the big jobs and the other for smaller, more discreet ones. Unfortunately, I flushed multiple times defeating its purpose because I had no idea what the symbols actually meant. I had seen this t
Dave Letterman unexpectedly took ill and needed a last-minute replacement on Tuesday’s “Late Show” so CBS 
For the first time in I don’t know how many years, 
