Dancing With The Stars’s Gender Equalizer

I’m actually looking forward to this season of Dancing with the Stars. There I said it.

There seems to be some decent female competitors to match, if not, exceed the skill and potential of their male counterparts. And while this doesn’t usually happen, the buzz around this season’s most toted female dancers (Kristi Yamaguchi, Marlee Matlin, and Priscilla Presley) is pretty accurate and worthy of the praise.

As for the other female dancers…

Maybe I’m just tired of seeing Shannon Elizabeth in every conceivable American Pie sequel and Celebrity Poker challenge, but I’m not that excited to watch her onscreen strutting her stuff. I know I’m most likely in the minority here. I could just be guilty of old refrain, “She reminds me of every overly perky and arrogant popular girl I ever went to school with,” (only I never went to school with a girl quite like that)

By her own admission, Marissa Winokur doesn’t have the typical lithe dancer frame, but she is “flexible” with her movements (per my husband) and she stands a good chance of going somewhere, possibly losing some weight, but ultimately being eliminated before the finals.

Whatever skills Monica Seles may have had as a tennis player, she unfortunately lacks as a dancer. Let’s put it this way: She makes Penn Gillette look agile and Billie Ray Cyrus as something more than just his daughter’s oozing appendage.

I’ll cover the guys in another post. No new updates other than middle-aged white dudes can’t and shouldn’t dance, but older peeps (including dudes) usually garner enough sympathy to last for a couple more rounds.

Is This The Last We Hear From Heather Mills?

So, she finally made it, she shook the tree, and got her $48.6M from Sir Paul. “I’m so, so happy with this,” Heather Mills told the many reporters following the closed hearing. “I’m so glad it’s over, It was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter’s future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with — because you know it has been my life for 20 years” she said. Oh…..so noble…. What she forgot to mention, was that she was offered this amount from McCartney in the past, but the greedy dancer wannabe refused to settle, and sought almost $250 million.
I just hope that we can now have a break from Heather Mills’ circus, and concentrate on what’s really important… American Idol…..

The Four Levels Of Bad TV

During the recent writers strike, we’ve been bombarded with TV shows that on normal days would never even be considered for American prime time TV or for any time actually. Now that the strike is finally over, and the writers are back at their desks, writing like there is no Mañana, and just before we are going to watch their recent creations, here are the four lowest levels of TV entertainment. Counting from worst to better:

Level 4: Reality TV: I know people are addicted to reality TV, and I understand that the desire to peak into other people’s lives might cause resistance to this post by those people. Nevertheless, Reality TV has the same features as Porn. Like porn it is being semi- directed, the participant are semi- actors, using semi- script. And the most important thing is: The viewers are convinced that they are watching the real thing. Well they are not.

Exceptions: One, The Biggest Loser. This show actually encourages people to take positive steps in improving their lives.

Level 3: Season long contests: This level is dedicated to some of the most watched shoes in the country, and includes but not limited to: American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, The Apprentice, and more. These shows are rubbish. The joy of looking at 3 judges, so full of themselves, criticizing and slaughtering the poor contestants who should have probably known better then to participate in the first place. Recent revelations regarding the new season of American Idol only emphasis how these shows are handled, by who, and for what purpose.

Exceptions: None.

Level 2: Substitute Game Shows: These are horrible, the worst of the worst. These shows were rejected by the networks, but still managed to film a couple of episodes. And just because something happened (like a writer’s strike,) they are being aired. Last night’s My Dad Is Better Then YourDad was and amazing example, in normal times, this show will not pass as a substitute for an infomercial. And don’t you start talking to me about Seinfeld, who started as a substitute, it wasn’t a game show.

Exceptions: None.

Level 1: Game Shows: There are all sorts of game shows, so excuse me for gathering all of them under one roof. Game Shows are what we watch when there is nothing else on, or when we are waiting for one of our favorite shows to start. It is often extremely boring, and may cause you to fall asleep earlier then what you had planed. But there are good sides to the genre: A. No need to follow up. You don’t need to wait a whole season to see who won. B: After a hard day, when your brains can’t take any more information, it’s a guarantee these shows will not make it harder on you.

Exceptions: One, Moment Of Truth. This show should not have been produced at whole, absolutely terrible.

Heather Mills Fights Back

If you’ve been watching any of Heather Mills’ interviews in the last 48 hours, you probably notice a major tone change. No more ignoring the media’s bad mouthing of her, or the acceptance of the lurking Paparazzi now she decided to fights back. And what’s a better way to fight back then to through all the blame and responsibility on her soon to be husband? “Please protect me,” she said she asked Paul McCartney, and if he did: “It could have all been over, and done with very, very quietly.” Said the ex Dancing With The Stars contestant.
She also say she is not a gold digger, and the divorce issues are all about their little daughter. I am the first to agree that the media has a major part in destroying our dear celebrities’ lives, but Heather Mills should have known what she is getting into when she married a public figure in the magnitude of McCartney.

From DWS To Kevin Youkilis

I simply hate Dancing With The Stars! I know that I don’t reflect the mainstream- TV consuming average Joe, but it’s the truth. And now, not only that the show is getting even more attention after Marie Osmond was Fainting With The Stars on live TV before the eyes of an amazed nation, Uri Geller’s Phenomenon will premier tonight live on NBC. Between these two shows, I believe we would have a 100% of captive audience, if it wasn’t for Manny, Big Papi, Youk, and the rest of the Red Sox gang, who are playing in World Series tonight, and will be ranked the highest in the Boston area ratings.
Let’s go Red Sox.

The Family Stone(ed)

Now that Lindsey Lohan is out of the famous Utah rehab center, David Hasselhoff can check into the vacant space. The Hoff was hospitalized for detox. his representative, Judy Katz told Access Hollywood:”David had a brief relapse and immediately recognized the importance of addressing it with the assistance of his doctors. He is doing fine and will be back home in the morning.” Conclusion: If you are a has been Actor/Singer/ Any kind of celebrity known to the human race, get drunk or stoned, try to drive (works even better with your kids on board,) If it works out, get in jail/ rehab for a few days, and you will get your career back. If you choose not to do that, your only other option is to join the next season of Dancing With The Stars.

Fall Season Preview: Monday Night Delivers

No doubt Monday nights will be my favorite TV night of the week. Why? Just read below and piece together the clues.

8-9 PM EDT

Chuck: A nerdy secret agent (in the form of a computer geek salesman) going undercover in a screwball comedy that elicits memories of SledgeHammer? I’m in…

How I Met Your Mother: If you can get thru another season of buying Neil Patrick Harris as a misogynist heterosexual player, why not?

Dancing With The Stars: Marie Osmond, Wayne Newton, Mark Cuban, Mel B, and Kelly from 90210 all in one action-packed, self-effacing hour? Ok, make that two hours a week, but hey, it’s a guaranteed upgrade for most of these celebs.

9-10 PM EDT

Heroes: “It” girl Veronica Mars aka Kristen Bell joins the cast this season and for those of us who caught a glimpse of Bell (on Gossip Girl), earlier on this season, it might be a welcome cast. Someone’s gotta save the world, anyways, and it aint gonna be the cheerleader.

10-11 PM EDT

Weeds: It may have started a few weeks ago already, but Mary-Kate Olsen plays a bad girl/dope-addicted nympho in this episode and hey, why should you limit your Monday nights to one reality TV show?

Journeyman: Cause if I had TiVo, I’d be all over this Quantum Leapish show. As is I’ll be flipping coins with my husband for the coveted 10:30 slot, which may end up going to Californication.

Falling Forward To A Sunday of Great Season Premieres

I’ve been looking forward to the end of September ever since the beginning of May when I was left wondering just why Charlie may or may not have been killed off the island, how many new Fall shows the Heroes phenomena would spawn, and who would be the next cast of D-list celebs breaking onto the Dancing With The Stars scene.

As it turns out, September is here and the season doesn’t hold better TV than what’s airing today and tomorrow. Tonight marks the return of two of my favorite shows on TV-Simpsons and Family Guy. For those of us who got some sort of interim Simpsons fix this Summer having watched the Simpsons movie, we were left with ravenous appetites which only called more attention to the lingering gap left behind last season after Homer saved Mr. Burns from a fatal mall accident involving a fountain. So now we’re on to this season, Mr. Burns debt of gratitude to Homer and Mr. S taking stock of his life with the help of life coach, Stephen Colbert. (yeah, we’re not kidding) And all this in the first episode of the season…

Tonight’s Family Guy has patriarch Peter Griffin enlisting the help of the Star Wars saga to entertain his family when their power goes out. Brian the dog as Chewbacca and Quagmire as C-3PO have my head spinning already. Not to mention the juxtaposition of life sabers and Darth Vader (Stewie). Well, who better to destroy the Griffin household than Stewie, after all…And while the Curb Your Enthusiasm premiere aired a few weeks ago already, tonight is a new episode in the unfolding dramedy involving Larry, Cheryl, the Dansons, and the Blacks (the family they adopted from the Hurricane).

Conflicts/Footnotes to Sunday night premiere week: Cold Case is back as well tonight and personally, for me, this show is compelling enough (if I can drown out the slow-mo soundtrack of your life anecdotes coupled with the morally righteous preachy ending long enough). One thing this show is a testament to is the power of the band Coldplay. As long as this show is around, that band isn’t going anywhere.Tomorrow night is perhaps one of the most exciting TV premiere days of the week. With the return of Dancing with the Stars and the premiere of the much-anticipated show Chuck, be sure to check back here tomorrow for more of a preview of the two hottest shows of the season.

Till then, get your comedy on for Sunday night! It will help you get thru the work week, or at least put your attitude in the right place.

Sabrina

Disney’s  Cheetah Girls star, 22-year-old Sabrina Bryan is the new addition to the Dancing with the stars new season cast.

Who is she again?….

Dancing With The Stars Cast Leak

Mark Cuban, Wayne Newton, Jane Seymour, Tori Spelling and more are among the names that will fill our TV screen on the next season of Dancing With The Stars. According to TMZ, a list of the shows lineup leaked, and got to their hands, while the official ABC announcement won’t be made until Wednesday. I personally don’t like the show, and not going to watch it. However, I can smell a PR spin from miles away…
Enjoy the show.

Rosie Is Just Another Gay Californian At Heart

Ms. O’Donnell has made it clear that her top dream gig (post-”View”) would be as host of the “Price Is Right” now that the geriatric Bob Barker has grown too old or too tired to make sexual advances on his female cohorts. So Barker has retired and Rosie wants in, but is the rest of America ready to embrace a gay female host? Considering the roster of male hosts being considered, Rosie would be in the minority as far as testosterone quotient (she has more) and sexuality (ok, maybe not), but Bob Barker has made it known he wants Rosie.

Rosie’s professional move would also require a possible personal move from Nyack, NY where she lives with her partner and kids to LA where “Price Is Right” is filmed. S

Stay tuned for developing details.

Apolo Wins “Dancing With The Stars,” But Is It A Laila Ali TKO?

The boxing gloves are officially off. At least according to this season’s “DWTS” finalist Laila Ali who is quitting boxing and in talks to have her own cooking show and go where all drug induced-happy Martha Stewart wannabes have gone before.

Said Ali after finishing up in second place:

I want to follow in the footsteps of Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray. It has always been a dream of mine to have my own show, which could include cooking, fitness and other household components. In fact, I just came out with a fitness/cardio DVD with Sugar Ray Leonard. My show would feature healthy food with fresh ingredients that taste great.

“Dancing With The Stars”: Recap Buzz

Jason Priestley is all about watching his former “90210″ alum co-stars’ careers go down the D-list celebrity tube. He just don’t wanna be anywhere near that sinking ship anytime soon. [Reality TV World]

First comes fame. Then comes money. Then comes nose job. Then comes domestic partnership for “DWTS” Karina Smirnoff and “Extra” boy toy Mario Lopez. [People]

Is it Sanjaya or Liberace? (said by judge Bruno to which contestant?) [Entertainment Weekly]

If everyone performed “perfect 30s” last night, how’s this show any different than “Thank God You’re Here”? [The Mercury News]

Wait. So you mean to tell me Bruno Tonioli is straight? Or just over-compensating by pretending to be hot for Laila Ali? Or perhaps just European. [Orlando Sentinel]

“Dancing With The Stars”: In HD-Rewind

Highlights of last night’s “Dancing With The Stars” include:

1. Billy Ray Cyrus proves he’s just another dude with a mullet, at heart. Oh and ego. Storming off of sets? Ripping a mic out of the hands of a pregant woman? Tsk. Tsk. You’re breaking my achy heart, Mr. Montana. [Entertainment Weekly]
2. I guess boxing legend Muhammad Ali’s promised presence in the audience was part of the deal ABC struck with mannish Laila Ali when they decided to keep her on. [TV Guide]
3. The bad news: CW canned Joey Fatone’s new pilot. The good news: Joey Fatone & Lance Bass will not be doing their version of “The Odd Couple” for CW. [National Ledger]
4. I don’t personally enjoy watching Apollo dance but as far as small, slight, compact dancers go, he boogied his arse of last night. [TV GrapeVine]
5. In national epidemic news, “DWTS” is taking on regional proportions. And you thought last season’s segment filler documenting the training of the average mom/middle-aged lady as she became a dancer was gut-hollowing enough. [GoUpstate.Com]

 

Introducing The Amaldo.Com Cast

For the week that was 4/29, Beth tackles Alec Baldwin, Heather Mills, Sanjaya, Richard Gere, Sarah Silverman, and Rosie O’Donnell in her weekly podcast.

This week’s Amaldo.Com ‘cast: Spring Cleaning!

Oh Rosie, Oh Rose

A whole lot of happiness surrounded me today, when I was reading Reuters entertainment news section. First, because I will no longer have to feel sorry for Paul McCartney and his upcoming financial loss every time my dear wife wants to watch the “Dancing With The Stars” thing. I would like to take this opportunity and thank the American public for kicking Heather Mills out of that already bad show. The second thing is Rosie O’Donnell leaving “The View”. To be honest, I have never watched the show, never. The only thing I do know about this show is that Rosie was making a lot of noise, way too much. So I’m happy she is out of there, and maybe for a short time, people will have other things to talk about other then O’Donnell’s pearls of wisdom.

I Can’t Tell You Who Will Be Cast Off On Tonight’s DWTS But I Can Tell You This

Dancing with the Stars” 33-year-old muscular skeletor host Samantha Harris (whom I’m still not entirely convinced is a) human and b) wouldn’t melt into plastic if exposed to sun for a prolonged period of time) is preggers. Yes folks, you heard it here second, third, or fourth?

Pesach Trumped Your Regularly Scheduled DWTS Review

My apologies to those who read/watch my “Dancing With The Stars” recaps every week. Last night was a holiday and with no TiVo or VCR, I was left with only second-hand gossip to go on. So in the interest of keeping my readers in the know, here’s the lowdown I compiled from the latest headlines on the show:

• Heather Mills has a new leg up on the competition. I guess we know what she’s doing with her settlement money from her divorce from Paul McCartney. [Earth Times]
• Ian Ziering is no longer the ugly spoiled rich dude from “90210.” [MSNBC]
• For the last time, Laila Ali is not objectively sexy. [Foxes on Idol]
• Who has a breast tattoo? [Reality TV Magazine]
• We miss Paulina, even though her Sports Illustrated swimsuit side was less visible and her “DWTS” persona was more ugly duckling with two left feet turned hot cover model than hot model. A swan song for you Paulina: The first female of the season to be axed with the only one without a significant amount of plastic surgery to boot. [Popwatch]

How Very Disappointing Is Your Leg Heather Mills!

I don’t have anything against Billy Ray Cyrus, his newly found passion for writing, or that silly tween show on Disney that he does with his daughter. It’s kinda endearing actually, the whole father-daughter thing, not Billy Ray’s signature high-maintenance do with highlights and a shapely coif that looks like it demands way too much upkeep. Truthfully, I always kinda resented the singer for getting me to care about his Achy Breaky Heart (didn’t I have love troubles of my own?) but was he not at one point also the man who brought back country line dancing? And if I’m not mistaken, isn’t that a form of dancing?

Well, on last night’s Season 4 premiere, Billy Ray Cyrus definitely struck out in the dancing department, but surprisingly made me laugh a bit. Something I haven’t wholeheartedly done since George Hamilton back in Season 2. Unfortunately, I don’t think Cyrus will last as long as Hamilton did, but pulling off partner Karina Smirnoff’s mullet wig provided some comic relief in an otherwise snoozefest of a 2-hour premiere. Especially given Karina’s newly sculpted nose. Now if only that would melt off and drizzle down into the concave cavity between the silicone. I guess partnering up with Mario Lopez does have its advantages…

My crush of this season (and I usually have one or two) is Joey “The Fat One” of N’Sync. Who would have thunk a child Pop singer would emerge the most grounded of the group? I think judging from last night’s show and the judges’ scores, Fatone will do well this season. He was definitely the best dancer, if not the most entertaining. Only second to Cyrus, of course.

Other standouts of last night’s premiere included Ian Ziering, our resident 90210 Steve who may not have lucked out with Kelly, but seems to have taken quite a fancy to his partner Cheryl. Did you know this guy is like 43 years-old already?

And speaking of golden age, Leeza Gibbons (who would look like a plastic surgery nightmare disaster on any other show except this one) came on last night claiming she was indeed the oldest female dancer there. And when we say old, we mean that “Sheercover” make-up line she’s endorsing doesn’t quite do her justice up-close.

But on to other older female naturally well-preserved stars. I’m sincerely hoping Paulina Porizkova doesn’t get kicked off soon since her body is so elegant it lends itself to this type of dance. She’s the type of person you look at thinking she was raised under that strict Eastern Block Communist athletic regimen and therefore how could she be that bad. Unfortunately as these things go, she is. Even next to Heather McCartney’s fake leg and Laila Ali’s bulging muscles that repel me, but actually impress my husband.

So Heather McCartney’s fake leg and all the disadvantages it would bring her was the big talk of the show, but in the end, she was a more capable dancer than a hybrid mutant dancer spawned by NBA star Clyde Drexler and former Miss USA Shandi Finnessey. Btw, no one’s fooled with the onscreen chemistry angle ABC is playing up between Finnessey and her partner Brian Fortuna. That guy is as straight as Michael Richards is likely to be touring the comedy show circuit anytime soon.

I thought Cliff from ”Cheers” was much better than I would have expected, as did the judges, but then they gave him a low score. Then again, most eyes aren’t on Ratzenberger anyways. One of the show’s biggest upsets is that Ashly DelGrosso/Costa isn’t back since she was among my most favorite female professional dancers.  But I guess she’s off promoting dietary supplements.

Apart from Joey Fatone and Ian Ziering, the judges see the most potential in Olympic Speed Skater Apolo Ohno and his partner Julianne. I don’t particularly love them, but I guess as this season’s premiere seemed to prove, there’s much room for improvement all around.

So that about wraps up my comments on the show this week. If you have any you’d like to add (like just how much botox does it take to paste Leeza Gibbons brow lines together or dispute then please take a shot in the comments area.

Stay tuned for Round 2 of  ”Dancing With The Stars” on March 26 and the promise of further prosthetic developments and hair mishaps. We wouldn’t miss it for an episode of “Heroes”! (eh…Ok. On second thought…)

The Player? Yeh Right…