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By Jess in Uncategorized, Entertainment, Blog, love & lies, relationships, Advice by Jess, weight loss, mothers on August 20 2007
 Hello you lovely Media Whores!
This week was pretty quiet in terms of celebrities freaking out, wouldn’t you say? I hardly knew what to do with myself. I think I actually read a book.
Anyway, enough about my trivial pursuits. Here are more people with more questions.
Dear J,
I go to school with this girl who’s rather large, and she always complains about her weight. She spends all her time taking about working out and whatever fad diet she’s on, so much so that I can’t ever get a word in edgewise. It’s good that she’s trying to get fit, but she’s driving me insane. How do I tell her to shut the hell up?
– Annoyed in LA
Dear Annoyed,
Girls can get pretty obsessed with their weight, especially if they’re embarking on a cold, cruel weight loss journey. Your friend is most likely reaching out for support and encouragement, albeit in an incredibly annoying way.
One of the best ways to politely give people the “shut the hell up hint” is to decrease the amount of comments you make about her story. The less you talk, and the more she hears her own voice going, going, and going, the quicker she’ll realize nobody’s interested in how many calories she burned this morning doing squats. Stay friendly, engage her in other conversations, and make it obvious with silence about which discussions you’d rather she not have around you.
If you’re not afraid of conflict, letting the girl know outright that she’s going a little overboard with the weight talk will work as well. Let her know that you’re proud of her, but the long-winded speeches about calories and fat aren’t as interesting to you as they are to her.
Or, shove cake in her mouth while she’s talking. She’ll be horrified and silent for a nice long while.
Dear J,
What’s the correct way to tell my boyfriend that I don’t like his mother?
– Mom Hater
Dear MH,
There’s really no correct way to do this…unless your boyfriend also hates his mom. If this is the case, you two could strengthen your relationship by building a voodoo doll.
(send Jess your questions at Jdinewyork@yahoo.com, or simply leave then in the ‘comments’ box. And remember, there are no stupid questions - just stupid people)
By Jess in Lost, Hollywood, love & lies, relationships, pop culture, media, celebrity, Advice by Jess, Lindsay Lohan on August 10 2007
 Hey Media Whores!
It’s been a while! I guess I lost track of time, since I usually know what day it is based on which Hollywood starlet was photographed looking coked up and who was recently busted for DUI. When they start acting normal…my whole life comes unhinged.
Anyway, people are still sending in those questions, and I’m still answering…except when they ask about my penis size.
Dear J,
I absolutely love my best friend, but I also feel really competitive with her a lot of times…especially when it comes to guys. Is this weird? Am I horrible?
– The Bad Seed?
Dear BS,
If every person who felt competitive with their friends likened themselves to little pigtailed blond girls who killed for fun, we’d all look the same.
It’s completely natural to feel competitive with your girlfriends when it comes to guys. It’s practically biological (Must procreate and have babies! Must find a mate!). Any girl who idly sits back while her friend flirts up a storm with a cute guy is probably in a coma. Besides…guys usually get better looking when some other girl has their attention.
Acknowledging the feeling of competition is the first step, and moving on from it is the second. Once you legitimize your feelings, it becomes easier to understand why you’re feeling them in the first place. Usually, these emotions stem from insecurities we have with ourselves, rather than negative feelings we have toward others.
…Unless your friend is a bitch. Then it makes sense.
Dear J,
How can I tell if a guy is gay or not? I’m really into this dude…and I’m not sure how he feels about me, but we’re close and he’s super nice. The only thing is…he buys People magazine and loves the E! channel.
– Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed,
There is no such thing as a straight man who loves the E! channel.
…Unless the E! channel is featuring a special on naked women. Next time your friend sits down in front of the TV, check out the actual E! show. If it has anything to do with diets, fashion, or Ryan Seacrest, you’re screwed.
By Jess in Entertainment, food, Money, Hollywood, Female Empowerment, love & lies, relationships, pop culture, Amaldo.Com, media, America, quirky newsbits, celebrity, gossip, Britney Spears, Advice by Jess, Lindsay Lohan, DUI, Dina Lohan on July 28 2007
 Hey Media Whores,
Well, talk about a trainwreck week! Lindsay Lohan went and broke the law while drunk and high (again!) Britney Spears showed the world that she is indeed a certifiably crazy person, and astronauts got drunk.
Here are some other people with problems.
J, my daughter just told me that she idolizes Lindsay Lohan, and wants me to take her to the mall to “update” her wardrobe. When she showed me some clothes she had picked out online, I was appalled. She thinks the “whore” look is in…and she’s only 12. I adore celebrities (and celebrity blogs!), but there’s no way in hell I want my daughter dressing like one. Any advice?
—NOT Dina Lohan
Dear NDL,
You know how glad I am I’m no longer anywhere near 12 years old? REAL glad. That age sucked. Kids had judgment beams affixed to their foreheads and would make fun of anyone or anything that their young minds deemed “uncool”.
Most probably, your daughter is trying to fit in anyway she can, and while your sweetheart may not dress like a whore, other girls in her school do, and most times, those trashy dressers get a lot of attention (most of which turns negative really quickly). I’m sure she’s seeing that attention, talking to her friends, watching TV, and thinking that dressing like a hooch on crack is going to make her popular.
All you can do in this situation is talk to her. Most teenagers will do what they want regardless of what their parents tell them, so developing a relationship with your daughter where she respects what you have to say is the best way to reach her. Read More…
By Jess in Entertainment, Blog, Money, love & lies, relationships, Posh, pop culture, Amaldo.Com, media, quirky newsbits, celebrity, gossip, Britney Spears, David Beckham, Advice by Jess on July 19 2007
 Hey Media Whores,
Your advice maven is back. This week was certainly interesting. Lindsay Lohan reportedly indulged in tacky, trashy, whippit making in rehab, Britney Spears is still dressing like a giant slut, and David Beckham proved that no matter how hot you are, a nation can get tired of your face (and your wife’s boobs).
As promised, I’ve got some fantastic, full-proof answers to some fantastically personal questions that are way more interesting to read than Paris Hilton’s weekly itinerary.
Dear J:
Recently my long distance boyfriend came to town and met my sister who I am very close to. He left a negative impression on her, and she no longer wants to participate in activities with the both of us. I do not want to alienate my sister or my boyfriend. What should I do?
– Lost in Los Angeles
Dear Lost:
This sort of thing happens. A lot. You love your boyfriend, you love your sister, but you love them for different reasons. It’s adorable when the BF eats all the Chunky Monkey and then lies his head in your lap, sick to his stomach and moaning. Well, adorable to you. Loving someone allows us to bypass their flaws, just meeting someone doesn’t.
The first thing to do is to ask your sister what exactly the BF did to piss her off. Did he tease her, walk in on her naked, show her his Mr. Peepers? Chances are, the BF and the sis didn’t have much time to bond, and a bad first impression (caused by nerves, awkwardness, or low social skills) is hard to ignore, especially if the person giving off the bad impression is dating someone you love.
After your sis lets you in on the issues, bring them to the BF, as partially as possible, and let him know that your sister was hurt by him. Try not to blame, or come at him all scary and PMSing. That will not help. Don’t make it look like you’re choosing. Because you’re not. Read More…
By Jess in Entertainment, Blog, News, Hollywood, love & lies, relationships, pop culture, Amaldo.Com, media, Advice by Jess on July 13 2007
 Hey Pop Culture Whores,
I’m here to turn insults into greetings and dish out advice. God knows after all those hours spent reading online blogs about celebrities, you have to have some of your own questions. And what’s better than having a celebrity know-it-all / Ann Lander’s evil (and better looking) twin just an email away to help?
Nothing’s better! Except maybe a Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Gosling sandwich.
So, this is how it works. You send me your questions, and I answer them here. Questions about specific celebrities (let me stop you right there, stalkers, I won’t give out famous address. It would really hurt my career to be linked to a sociopath.), your own life, your partner’s life, the meaning of life…anything, really. I know all, after all.
And don’t worry about how old or young you are. I was once young and I know old people. My knowledge spans the entire age bracket.
Every Friday, I’ll pick some questions to post. And of course you’ll always be anonymous. Personal embarrassment is not my forte…unless it’s deserved.So come on, grab a drink, send a question you’ve been too embarrassed to ask your friends, and sit back and wait for the magic.
(Send all questions to: Jdinewyork@yahoo.com)
Jdinewyork@yahoo.com aka Jess was born in a hick town just North of Nowheresville. She now lives and works in the city that never shuts up (New York). In the interest of good karma, swearing in front of babies is something she’s working on. But notes that death by chocolate cake is definitely the way to go. Oh, and she may look young, but that’s just the botox.
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