Spank Me I’m Your Work Slave!

For some odd reason, even though I recall unsubscribing quite a few times, I’m still on the email list over at Savvy Miss-the website that claims it’s For Intellectually Curious, Fun-Loving Women.

Don’t get me wrong. Really I like to think I straddle the whole “fun-loving” and “intellectually curious” pretty well, though admittedly most often I find myself teetering in the “intellectually curious”/”analytical kvetch” category. The point in all this is that female categorizations or gender qualifications of any sort tend to lend themselves to stereotypes.

So today I look at my gmail inbox and see Quiz: Are You The Office Brat and the actual exercise is “Are You The Office Bitch” and I can’t help but find this subtle semantic substitute just a wee bit reproachful.

Inappropriate conduct explicitly aimed at female bloggers is populating all the social criticisms of today’s media and yet some site that claims it’s for me written by people like me is demanding that I classify myself in terms of stale archetypes: The Corporate Dominatrix, the Goddess (the spiritual you), the Governess (the schoolteacher and mentor), the Queen (the sovereign) or the Schoolgirl (the student and apprentice).

I’m still trying to figure out how many market research focus groups Savvy Miss commissioned to come up with these catch-all titles (kinda like how many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?), but I’m missing out on how all this doesn’t somehow undermine the plight of the female blogger. Thinking in terms of social schemas is easy and it’s convenient, but ultimately its cost can be greater than we’re willing to pay.

Besides, so what if I’m The Office Bitch. Does that mean that I don’t crave a good, hard spanking once in a while?

Ah. Silly Savvy Miss. Didn’t cha get the memo? Tricks are strictly FTB (for the boys).

Courtney Love To Auction Off Kurt Cobain’s Dirty Flannels

Courtney Love is either in dire financial straits (needs more money to fund another face lift or liposuction) or severely emotionally damaged because she is holding an auction at Christie’s and auctioning off her former husband, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s skivvies.

Ok, so maybe it’s just his flannels, but still. In an interview with Spinner, Courtney Love said:

“My daughter doesn’t need to inherit a giant … bag full of flannel … shirts,” says Love, former frontwoman of the rock band Hole. “A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to `(Smells Like) Teen Spirit’ — that’s what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we’ll just … sell.”

Perhaps Courtney isn’t seeing much financial promise in her upcoming album, Nobody’s Daughter.We’re just hoping that the title’s reference is not her own daughter. One damaged celebrity teen crisis as the product of really bad parental figures is about all we can handle at the moment.

Is Gwen Stefani Channeling Marilyn Monroe or Madonna?

Hasselbeck To Call Her Newbie Rosie?

“The View” is all about public announcements these days. How is it that a show whose premise is gossiping yentas unleashing every private, intimate detail fosters an environment of explicit candor? In short, why do people bother hiring publicists if they are just gonna go on “The View” and tell all? And what’s with all the announcements?

Last week Rosie O’Donnell made public her news that she was leaving the show. On Friday, Alec Baldwin said he wants out of his show and now Elizabeth Hasselbeck is expecting a child and wants the world to know she loves Rosie O’Donnell, even if the two represent ardently oppositional political camps.

Did we mention Hasselbeck’s pregnancy is another slated “announcement” on “The View” today?

Criminal:Coward

Criminal: Coward, is a giant step out of the super-hero ghetto.

In this gritty comic book noir of a heist gone bad, Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips takes us down the mean streets of a big, dark, ugly and violent metropolis found not on a map but inside the novels of tough, brass-knuckled urban poets like Mickey Spillaine, Dashiell Hammett, James M. Cain, Jim Thompson and Raymond Chandler. Coward is a worthy addition to the genre.

Brubaker and Phillips received two Eisner Award nominations, for Best Writer and Best New Series.  “Doing anything outside the norm in the US comics market can be extremely difficult, so I’m really pleased to see the Eisners recognize our hard work.  We put our blood and sweat into every issue, and I’m very proud of what Sean and I have done so far, building our world of criminals, con men, and bad habits,” said Brubaker.

For those of you who unable to find early issues of Coward at your friendly neighborhood comic shop, the entire story arc will soon be published in a single volume which includes an introduction by Emmy-award winner Tom Fontana (Homicide: Life on the Streets, and Oz) If you like comic books but hate Men In Tights, this hard-boiled classic by  Brubaker and Phillips is a fun and rewarding investment.

And, happily, there’s not a single cape to be be found.

Introducing The Amaldo.Com Cast

For the week that was 4/29, Beth tackles Alec Baldwin, Heather Mills, Sanjaya, Richard Gere, Sarah Silverman, and Rosie O’Donnell in her weekly podcast.

This week’s Amaldo.Com ‘cast: Spring Cleaning!

A Brief History Of A Weightless Flight

Apart from the very simple explanation of a Black Hole me and most of the world wouldn’t really understand what it is.  But still, the world of science would not have been the same without Stephen Hawking. A couple of days ago, after 40 years of being in a wheelchair due to ALS, and speaking only with the assistance of a computer, Hawking, for a short while, was in zero gravity. The 65-year-old was the first person with a disability to experience the flight by Zero Gravity Corp. Shortly after the flight the Professor said: “It was amazing. The zero-g bit was wonderful…I could have gone on and on. Space, here I come.”  Where I come from they say that the shoemaker always walk barefoot, but not in this case.

Schilling Puts The “Red” In The “Sox”

So I don’t usually post on sports. Tech and celebrities are more my vices, but this goodie was too funny not to report on.

In what has become dubbed the media frenzy known as Sockgate, “self-promoting blowhard” blog-happy Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling is offering $1 Million to anyone who can prove that the alleged bloody sock he wore in Game 6 of the 2004 playoffs was a fake publicity stunt, and actually paint.

Whether or not the blotted sock was the end-product of some Michaelangelo-inspired moment, the fact that Schilling’s own teammate would betray him by leaking to an opponent’s team sportscaster that it was indeed “a publicity stunt” is way lame. Of course, how does one go about cashing in on a $1 Million bet about a bloody sock?

Thoughts?

Justin Case You Didn’t Have A Life, There’s Justin.TV

Ever watch “EdTV“? It was a movie starring Jenna Elfman (when she still acted back in the 90s), Matthew McConaughey (when people found him hot), and Liz Hurley (when people actually remembered who she was, before she was pissing off her gizillionaire husband’s parents).

Anyways, the film’s premise was that Matt/”Ed” gets followed around by a camera crew 24/7 and his life becomes one big “Truman Show” only he’s in on the fame so there’s no actual collusion going on like in the Jim Carrey version.

Ok, so skip ahead like ten years and jump into the reality TV/voyeur-inspired Web 2.0 bubble. A few dudes from NYC moved to San Fran (Web 2.0 capital of the world) and found a start-up with the same sort of theme: Let’s follow “Justin” around and record his life around the clock on video!

So these dudes don’t win any points for originality, but even Newsweek made mention of them in a recent issue so we know they pay mad money for a good publicist at the very least. Either that or they lucked out with investors and relied on alternative skillz to hook that up.

But why go by my cynical opinion of JustinTV?

Check it out for yourself. And be amazed and how very slow the clock moves while you’re watching some random guy (you’d probably vehemently dislike if you ever actually knew him) sit in front of his own computer screen chatting with his fans. At least Justin provides us with an agenda of his day to get us motivated and TGIF, Friday looks fun!

1:30 PST: Justin looks for real estate with his parents. (We know he must be doing quite well with this little start-up venture) And then there’s the Wired Rave Awards tonight. Justin is sure one lucky boy. Not to mention he gets to meet the whacked out Irene from Real World Seattle. Just the kinda mid-day mind trip from reality type of distraction we all envy the boy for.

Just shoot me. I’m so uncool. I’m still amazed that there are people my age that actually muster enough energy to go out past 9 on a Friday night.

Comedians Aren’t Funny In Newsweek

I happened to read the same Newsweek article mentioned in the previous post. I don’t dig “The Simpsons” so much so I can’t share Ariel’s enthusiasm, but I can share some of my insights about this summer preview article Newsweek unveiled on its unsuspecting readers.

Ok, so I read it twice, maybe three times. I kept thinking maybe I was missing out on the point of the piece? It’s a summer preview of all the comedies coming out this Summer. A lot of these movies star my favorite funnymen: Seth Rogen, Steve Carell, Robin Williams, Paul Rudd (questionable w/out Ferrell and Carell alongside), Adam Sandler, etc. And yet…And yet…

Why did Newsweek pay these guys to do tongue-in-cheek type reviews of their own films “in character”? The premise was just a little too weird for my pea-sized brain to wrap itself around.

Case-in-point: Paul Rudd is starring in “The Ten“-an anthology-based flick loosely based on the actual Ten Commandments in which each characters’ story somehow relates to one of the commandments.

So here’s what Rudd (as “Jeff“)writes for Newsweek:

Though it’s debated, many people believe that there was a first set of commandments that Moses smashed in a fit of anger (because the Israelites chose to worship the golden calf. Great!). Through extensive research (i.e., Wikipedia), a few of the originals have been unearthed. Drumroll, please:

• Thou shalt not get a tattoo of an Asian proverb if you’re a lame white guy.
• Honor small, medium and large. Tall, grande and venti are for jackasses.
• Thou shalt never try and live with bears.
• Thou shalt not go back to Rockville (specifically for R.E.M.).
• Thou shalt never, never, never, ever buy a Hummer.

Huh? Maybe it’s just too obscure to have comedians pretending to be actors acting “in-part” pretending to be writers describing their pretend roles to readers.

Can the equation work when only one of its component is actually real?

A few days ago I read about the upcoming “Simpson’s” movie in the printed (!) edition of Newsweek. One quote, made by producer Al Jean who has been with the show since the beginning caught my eye: “Every time someone creates a Ralph Kramden or an Archie Bunker or a Homer Simpson, it’s considered one of the greatest characters on TV, because that’s who people really are. We’re a show about a family, a screwed-up family, and that’s where most people come from.” The dude is making a good point. I would also add Al Bundy to the equation. Now all we have to do, is wait for the movie.

Richard Gere is Just A Doofus